Quick question: do you meditate?
I know, I know, it’s hard to stick to, right? I used to meditate so sporadically! I felt great when I did it and I’d think, Why aren’t I doing this all the time?
But, then I’d get into a stressful period (when meditation would have the highest benefit) and I’d feel like, I just can’t!
Part of my problem was that I had a pass/fail approach. If I got into that zone where I feel blissful and calm, I was doing it “right” and if I was distracted with a wandering mind most of the time, it was a big “fail.”
Meditation IS the practice… not the getting it right!
I came to understand that those times when I felt like I wasn’t meditating at all were just as important. It’s a practice of noticing when your mind wanders, not the practice of blissful calm.
I also adjusted my expectations for myself. I couldn't stick to my 30-minute meditation per day goal. I could, however, do five minutes before turning out the lights for the night.
That became my only goal. Now, years later, I still only hold myself to a five minute minimum, although I generally meditate at least 20 minutes.
Studies have borne out what my personal observations have shown me: meditation increases goal congruence. No matter what your plans are for self improvement, you’d be hard pressed not to find a way that it would be improved by regular meditation.
It’s in the pause.
I talk to many of my clients about adding five minutes of meditation to their daily routine. Either first thing when you get up or right before bed tend to be the easiest times to start a meditation practice.
Meditation strengthens your ability to notice when your mind wanders and then bring it back to task. Of course, that strengthens your overall ability to focus, but what interests me most is that it helps you notice when you’re being pulled toward behavior you want to stop.
I’ve talked about how the environment works as a stimulus for specific behaviors (come home from work, eat a snack in front of the TV) now we’re looking at habits of mind. When you pause before giving in to automatic behaviors and notice what you were thinking and feeling, you begin to understand the pattern.
When you understand the pattern, you can change it!
Try this:
If you’re trying to give up or reduce a behavior (including avoidance of a behavior you want to start), pause! Give yourself permission to do the unwanted behavior in five minutes, if you still want to. But, first, meditate.
Rate the level of craving or feeling of avoidance.
Meditate for five minutes. Try a meditation app. I use Insight Timer. Set a timer for five minutes or find a 5-minute guided meditation you like.
Rate your feelings again. Notice whether they’ve come down.
Give yourself a mental high-five for noticing the craving and pausing.
You may be surprised at how much you’ve reduced the temptation or craving toward the undesirable behavior.
However, this is a practice! Meaning, you’ll get better with time. So, if you try it and still do the thing you were trying to avoid, don’t beat yourself up.
Remember the brain likes novelty and things that feel good. Don’t pile on with negative self-talk. Congratulate yourself for noticing, meditating, and moving on with your day.
In time, that pause will loosen the grip of unwanted habits and support the behaviors you want.
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